Heart to Heart Conversations

Sometimes in life there are those moments where words are left unsaid. They are thought but never uttered for various reasons. This reason is typically based in fear (of rejection, of hurting the other person, of just sounding plain silly). We also hold words in for fear of exposing our true selves, even to those we love the most. I know I am guilty of doing this. I suspect (or hope I suppose) that we all do this.
Then comes the time when things have to be said, they have to be aired or they eat away at you. These are the things you come to realize should have been said in the moment but once again you held back. Last night we (hubby and myself) had one of those conversations. The kind that I cry through as I say all of the awful things I can't bear to even hear outloud and as I say them they twist like a knife in my heart. These are things that need to be said for my own fragile sanity yet they hurt.
The amazing thing to me is that all of the things I am afraid to say my husband can handle. He doesn't crumble into pieces and he still loves me (even if I think I am hurting him). Even after 10 years of marriage he still amazes me. So is our marriage perfect? No, but is marriage ever perfect? Is our marriage worth working at and making better, absolutely. So I will try. I will be honest with myself; I will be honest with my husband. I am sure that I will cry again but it makes us stronger. Us - together - as it was meant to be.

Another moment of over reaction

There have been several trips that we've taken to the emergency room since Sweetpea was born. One was absolutely necessary, one was pretty necessary, and the third was a waste of time. Well the other day I had another case of over-reacting (just a bit). I came home from work and the next door neighbor girl came running over to tell me that Sweetpea hurt her hand. I asked where she was and she said in our house. I thought, OK no big deal I'm sure DH is handling it. I proceed to walk in the house to find DH playing the Wii while Sweetpea is sitting on the sofa crying and holding her hand. I go over to survey the damage (expecting a tiny scratch - she can be a bit dramatic at times) and I see a hand that is rapidly swelling, turning lovely colors, and she's holding it oddly to the side and refuses to move it (OK that was probably due to being a drama queen). With my typical ugh tone, I say to my DH (who has 8+ years of medical experience now) - "Did you even look at this?". He looks at it and doesn't think anything is really wrong, but since I am insisting it get looked at, he agrees to take her to the ER. This time I thought ahead and called our pediatrician first. They agreed to see her immediately. We arrive within 10 minutes and they have the classic doctor's office toy - the bead maze/activity cube - what kid can resist? Off Sweetpea runs throwing the ice bag at me mid-gallop and of course the first thing she does is take the injured hand and begin spinning beads up those lovely wires. Yeah - OK -like we need to be here- she was obviously fine. Another embarrassing trip for Mom. We eventually saw the doctor who assured us that while going down the sliding board with a rope wrapped around your hand is never a good idea, it is very hard to break anything that way. I want to say I have two things in my defense. First, it was getting very black and blue in a short amount of time. Secondly(and most important), the very next day was her first day of Kindergarten. Imagine if it was broken and I sent her in without treatment. I would be remembered as a neglectful parent for the next 8 years. We would have to move or change schools or something. So now I've learned to wait at least 30 minutes before reacting as long as no blood or guts are hanging out. We'll see if I can follow that advice the next time since there's always a next time.